Burger, fucked up kid in a fucked up world.
Romantically unoccupado.
Stoned. And not giving a fuck. Hoquiam, WA is my shit hole hometown. Ask anything at all.
On his deathbed, in a hospital, surrounded by family, children’s author Roald Dahl reassured everyone, sweetly, that he wasn’t afraid of death. “It’s just that I will miss you all so much,” he said—the perfect final words. Then, as everyone sat quietly around him, a nurse pricked him with a needle, and he said his actual last words: “Ow, fuck!” (Source)
On his deathbed, in a hospital, surrounded by family, children’s author Roald Dahl reassured everyone, sweetly, that he wasn’t afraid of death. “It’s just that I will miss you all so much,” he said—the perfect final words. Then, as everyone sat quietly around him, a nurse pricked him with a needle, and he said his actual last words: “Ow, fuck!” (Source)
Did I ever tell u guys about the time my ex legitimately thought he killed me with his dick???
Ok so picture this I’m 18 and excited about sex, trying out some new positions. We are having sex in a pretty similar position to this
And my pussy is so wet it might as well be a god damn Slip N Slide ok. And he’s pounding at it fast and hard but slips out and goes to go right back in… But something is wrong. He’s about to enter….
The. Wrong. Hole.
And my eyes widen, I go to shout “noooo!!!!” But it’s all happening too fast. He thrusts right into my unlubed asshole and I scream like murder and leap right up onto my feet.
We had only been dating a couple of months at this time and there was something very important he did not know about me: I am a chronic fainter. If I’m in pain or if I see my own blood, I will pass the fuck out. I get real quiet and turn to him and say, “I am going to pass out.”
He doesn’t know I’m serious, he thinks I’m just being emotional, and he’s like “no baby come here” but as he finishes that sentence i faint and my head ping pongs off my metal bed frame, onto the wall and then finally my whole body falls on the ground.
He has never seen anybody faint before and naturally assumes I’m dead. A couple minutes later I awaken to him sobbing into my naked chest. Like this motherfucker really thought he sent me to the grave with some accidental anal sex.
SIMONE I AM YELLING
Joining tumblr was worth it just to read this. I didn’t make a terrible mistake 9 years ago, after all.
These are my 9 favourite pieces from The Shortest Story so far. I’m so, so proud of what I’ve built with this project. It’s made me love writing fiction again.
13 stories narrated by Cecil Baldwin, voice of Welcome to Night Vale, who narrated the trailer
Incredible guest authors, including Robert Shearman (Doctor Who), Helen Marshall (Hair Side, Flesh Side) and Shawn Coss (Any Means Necessary, Cyanide and Happiness)
I’d love if you could check out the book or boost this post. You can also read an album of my 30 best stories on Imgur right now, including unreleased material! Thanks so, so much.
